Hi momma,
I know you’re tired. Like deep in your bones tired. Like can’t remember if that was a dream or real life tired. Like you just found your car keys in the fridge tired. It’s the I’m so tired I don’t know how I’m making dinner tired and yet….you’re making dinner.
I think my brain needs scanned, but like for scientific purposes.
Yo, scientists – come scan my brain; a mother’s brain.
I need to know if there is a certain piece in there that is unique to a mom brain.
Like where in my brain does it hold the information that I carry around everyday about my children? How deep in my brain does knowing my child’s favorite color live? Where in my brain stores the information of my child’s powerschool ID and password? Does my brain light up differently when I suddenly remember in a panic that soccer sign ups are due this week? How does my brain process both the frustration I feel that my child waited until the last minute to get his homework done while simultaneously giving me signals that I should help him finish it even as I know that would teach him nothing about time management?
Scientists, for real – I want to know these things.
Because even if I don’t understand the brain scans at all, I think it will help me feel validated to know that all this brain activity that I carry around all day contributes to my tired.
And it’s not just mental tired.
It’s physical tired too.
Physically tired from carrying babies, or car seats, or giant hockey duffle bags, or overflowing hampers of laundry, or sleeping kids from the car, or grocery bags bursting with snack food that gets devoured in seconds after you unpack it by starving kids.
Don’t even get me started on the emotionally tired. Girrrrrrrrrl. Am I doing any of this right? Was the baby’s fever a fever-fever, or did I see a tooth trying to come in? What’s going on with our daughter and her best friend because she hasn’t talked about her for a few days now that I think about it? Did you see the way our son read that note today – so.freaking.proud! Ohmygosh, I can’t believe I was so late to the bus stop our daughter almost had to go back to school to be picked up!?
Shout out to Ron Burgundy – it’s a glass cage of emotion.
But…BUT!!
I have learned a little trick in 12 years of parenting six kids that I want to give you tired mommas.
We often talk about motherhood as drowning or trying to keep your head above water. Because that’s what it mostly feels like. Sometimes you are just treading water, sometimes you have to swim against the current, sometimes it is tropical storm weather and you are flailing out there barely grabbing breaths from the surface before being pulled back down.
You know what you need, momma? You need to learn how to float. Like on your back, face to the clouds, float to give your tired, battered body a rest.
And I know the whole world is telling you that floating is self care in the form of binge-watching Netflix, or scrolling through Instagram reels, or locking yourself in the bathroom for an uninterrupted shower, or eating that secret stash of cookies.
But although those things are important – they are not floating. They are acted out in desperation and looking for an escape if only for a few minutes.
Floating – imagine it with me – is your body rolling with the waves, relaxed limbs, calm breaths, finding hidden images in the clouds overhead.
Floating is gratitude.
Floating is being present in your life right this second. This messy, chaotic, overwhelming life with these kids that live in your home and need you constantly.
- It is laughing with your kid over an inside joke – hearing that laughter bubble up out of their belly and fill your whole space with joy.
- It is standing in the kitchen with a muddy floor, sink full of dirty dishes, but singing along with your kid to the music that’s playing as you both pretend to be on American Idol.
- It is tucking in at night and pushing hair off your child’s forehead and hearing their sweet whispers of “I love you mommy.”
- It is turning off the screens, putting down the devices and going outside to find ant hills in the yard.
- It is building a fire and roasting marshmallows for smores with a kid on your lap and the stars in the sky shining down so bright.
- It is little, sticky hands grabbing the sides of your cheeks pulling you in for big toothless kisses.
Floating is all the tiny moments of motherhood that give you strength to do all.the.things. To carry around all that mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion and then keep on going.
The trick is to figure out how to float more often
You don’t have to create more tiny moments of incredible beauty – they are there already, mommas.
But most of the time, we are so busy and overwhelmed and focused on the tired that we won’t recognize them until we become the old ladies at the grocery store telling that exhausted mom in the check out line that it all goes too fast.
Can you imagine? Someday we are going to be those old ladies and these kids that wreck our house and make it so loud and eat all our food and forget where they put those lucky game socks….they won’t live in our house anymore?
It is so hard to imagine which is why we forget to float. We just swim and tread and panic that we won’t be able to hold our breath long enough.
But no, mommas – stop! Just float instead.
Stop looking at that sink filled with dirty dishes, stop glorifying that kitchen calendar filled with a million things to do, step away from the devices that tell give you everyone else’s highlight reel.
Choose to be present. Recognize this moment for what it is; truly what it is.
This child or these children who you love so much that you are willing to everyday (every dang day!) push through the exhaustion to give it everything you got. They live in your house! You can see them, hear them, hug them, help them, talk with them, laugh with them, be there for them every single day.
Floating is not finding a quick escape from the difficult parts of motherhood, it is simply shifting your viewpoint. Motherhood will always be hard, especially when your kids live in your house and need you so much.
But just float for a little while. Give your tired body a rest by recognizing those hidden images of beauty right there in front of you. Be present and grateful and you will start to remember that you aren’t lost at sea; you’re at the beach.
