10 Reasons our car is a screen free zone

We are low tech parents trying to raise kids in a high tech world because I believe it provides kids the space to grow and imagine and learn and be curious. Now this is not to say my kids don’t ever have contact with screens – they do! But their screen time mirrors more the way that we 80-90’s kids experienced screens; in a controlled, finite way.

Children’s brains crave that immediate gratification of distraction just like our adult brains do – except they don’t have the ability to look around and feel guilty about all the stuff they should be getting done instead to pull them out of that scroll suck.

So, we, as parents, fight the good fight every damn day: No screens until after 3p, only one tv that everyone needs to agree on what is being watched, we encourage outdoor free play and we try to visit places that are low tech and fun. Most importantly because of it’s consistency – we set screen free zones in our life that are non-negotiable like meal times and practices/games. It is hard work every single day – but we are the grown ups and it is our job to protect and safeguard this one precious childhood that our kids get.

If you are not quite a low tech parent but are looking to add a screen free zone to your family, I would love to suggest the one that I think is perhaps the most important screen free zone: The Car.

I cannot stress enough how important I believe this to be, but I am well aware that this is a very unpopular opinion. Most families choose quiet by way of a screen in the car. Believe me, I am not immune to the annoyances of a thousand ways that comes with riding in a vehicle with children. But before you write me off, please read on for my full rationale of why making the car a screen free zone is not only massively beneficial to raising up kids, but also an attempt to keep our kids safe in the future.

1. We are raising future drivers.

period. this is the most important reason we don’t allow screens in the car. We don’t want our kids practicing the habit of getting in a moving vehicle and believing that a screen is an option in any capacity. Someday these kids will be drivers and good Lord, I can hardly think of anything that frightens me more. Our kids have been practicing riding in cars for short and long and every length in between screen free because my CHILD, driving a car means you are paying attention to the road and those around you! Brandon and I both practice screen free driving too because we have future drivers watching us and also DUH. 

2. It promotes family memories

sing-a-longs, lip sync/seated dance battles, ‘Remember when’ conversations, weird road trip games, full family attempts at trying to get the tractor trailer to honk his horn, dance party battles (often uncontested at red lights with the car next to us), and yes, even arguments

3. It gives their minds time to wander through boredom

What a blessing it is to me as a mother to sit in silence for awhile in the car and then suddenly hear from the back, “Hey Mom…” followed by some random question or thought that our kids had time to sit and ruminate about. Getting to hear what is on their mind is one of my favorite joys of motherhood.

4. They learn to recognize our community and the routes we take to familiar places

sometimes we don’t tell the kids where we are headed but it’s rarely a surprise because they watch out the window and half way there they start shouting out their guesses because they recognize familiar landmarks or driving routes. If we take an unusual road to a familiar place, they start reminding us – “hey this isn’t the way to…” because they don’t need an app to get them around our town – they know the way from watching out the window! 

5. Sometimes it means extra sleep for growing kids (something they always need)

Our kids know that sleep means the trip goes faster, so on “long rides” (over an hour), they pack a pillow and resign themselves to take a nap to speed up the trip.

6. They learn the relationship between distance and time

time is such a hard concept to grasp as a kid but our kids now have a gauge for distance when we compare it to a place we drive to frequently. Somewhere that’s about as far as their grandparents’ house means not too far away. Somewhere like fishing camp – that’s kind of far but not so much (45 mins), somewhere like their friend Tessa’s house is pretty far (1.5 hrs), and somewhere like their cousin’s house is very far (3 hrs). 

7. It is practice in cooperation

music choosing, seat choosing, keeping the baby occupied, being kind if someone else is carsick, passing a snack/drink…we all have to be in this together working alongside one another or we ain’t gonna make it.  

8. They learn about driving by being an active observer

They ask questions about why certain things happen on a road: what signs mean, when to use a turn signal, why we can sometimes turn right on red, when you can pass depending on the painted lines, what a flashing red light means, who has the right-a-way at a traffic light, how to pull to the side of the road if an emergency vehicle is passing with lights and sirens….all of these things (and more) my kids have recognized and asked questions about because they’ve been observers in real life driving scenarios. 

9. It is a practice in patience (for all of us!)

the talking, the questions, the arguing, the ‘how much longer,” the dealing with other people’s stinky farts, the humming and singing, the whining, the outside factors like traffic, road rage drivers, and construction. I get it mommas and daddas – I imagine this is the main reason lots of people allow screens in cars. It takes so much patience. Recognize it as an opportunity to practice in patience. We can do hard things, we all can – especially when we give ourselves chances to practice. So take a big breath, realize this is not an easy task and will require patience and then repeat after me and Glennon Doyle: I can do hard things, especially when it is for our kids. 

10. They are learning that the journey is just as important as the destination

normal life is a lot like the getting from one place to another: it takes time, it’s mostly boring, and you often times have to deal with annoyances along the way. But mixed in with all that minutia is where the important stuff happens. the conversation, the daydreaming, the inside jokes, the noticing your neighbors’ flowers that have bloomed, the sing alongs and giggling, even the arguments that end in compromise or a lesson learned. The how you got there is important too and maybe it’s just my romantic heart but I think the literal journey of driving in a car with your family from one place to another can help kids learn about the metaphorical meaning of the journey of life. 

A screen free car is a non-negotiable

A screen free car is a non-negotiable in our family because I am playing the long game of parenting. I currently have all non-drivers; my closest one is only four years away from driving age; while on the other end of the spectrum I have a child a full sixteen years away from driving. No matter the length of time – I have future drivers in my car. If I want to give them the safest start; I am going to have to give them as much practice in the car as an active observer as possible.

I know, I know. I can see you rolling your eyes. But this is one of those things we are going to have to recognize as incredibly important to hold our ground so that we can raise up kids that are aware of what is going on around them. So we are raising kids that can get into a moving vehicle without the habit of picking up a device to distract them along the way.

How can you start?

• If you have babies so small that this has not come up yet – I urge you to set the standard from the beginning. It is so much easier to just never make screens in the car an option.
• If your children have already made screens a habit in the car, I would encourage starting with limits first – maybe no screens unless the drive is at least an hour, and then slowly work your way back from there. Talk with them, play road trip games, listen to their choice of music: give them opportunities to just be a kid in a car like you were growing up. We didn’t have the option of a screen distraction and we turned out okay (ish..? HAH!)
• If you have teenagers, get them in the habit of putting their phone in a designated place every time they get into the car (you be a model of this too!) This is a crucial time to practice recognizing what’s going on around them, asking questions about traffic rules, and taking familiar and unfamiliar routes around town. .

It is not going to be easy, I know you know this. But mommas, we are going to have to fight the hard fights for the sake of the long game; for the sake of safety and best foot forward in life. I am here for you if you need support doing this, but I also know that for the sake of your kids – you can

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