Being an intentional parent can mean many things, but at the core it means being present. Removing distractions and being in the moment with your child on purpose. This seems like an easy thing, but being an adult is hard and parenting is hard – and sometimes it tends to get all swept up in a stressful, fast-paced, ball of anxiety and we kind of forget to look up and see the people that are right in front of us.
I’m not judging because believe me – there are days that have me completely distracted on a million things other than our kids. I hate that – I hate admitting that and I really hate knowing that it is true. But also, I can’t be 100 percent present all the time, because how would things function? I need to think of the future to plan out our meals, grocery lists, and how to get everyone to all the practices and games this week. I need to think of the past to try to remember when the last time the one anti-bath kid took a bath, and when the other one last took a poo, and wait, was I supposed to send in a permission slip on Monday?
But it is important to attempt to be present some of the time; most of the time once you get the hang of it! Because our lives, and our children’s childhoods are made up of all those moments that pass in a day. If we aren’t careful, what our children’s childhoods become are a big glob of hurried take out dinners in the car and barks of reminders from their parents, and looking up to see their parents’ heads tilted down highlighted with a blue glow of a device.
And I know you dream of childhoods filled with laughter and hugs and memories of traditions and favorite foods and that one song that made their parents stop what they were doing no matter what to head bang. We all want our children’s memories to be filled with joy and safety and a little bit of magic – but for that to happen – we, parents, have to do the work now. We have to be intentional in looking up, being present, and having a little fun.
If you are new to this intentional parenting it can be overwhelming. It feels like a whole thing you need to have done perfectly and introduce teacher-style to your kids. But it doesn’t have to be that way at all. You can start today, right now – no matter what age your child. Just take one small step towards being present. Today, you can break free of the distractions and be in the moment with your child, on purpose.
One easy suggestion for intentional parenting by child’s age
- baby:
Walk around the house with them in your arms and point out various things and name them. Your baby loves your voice, and literally knows nothing but their little sponge brain loves making new connections. It also brings your focus right into the present and you can see your amazing surroundings with new eyes on all the incredible things that were right under your nose.
- toddler:
Use their foot as a phone. It honestly is the most hilarious, never-gets-old schtick. Just pick up their foot, pretend you are dialing, and then start talking like it’s a phone. They will delight and giggle and laugh and look at you like you are made up dazzling sparkles. 6/6 of my kids loved this, would definitely recommend.
- preschooler:
Play the hidden surprise game. Cup and close your hands (like you would hold a firefly) and tell them that you caught something. Talk in whisper and tell them to come peek at it. When they try to see in your (empty) hands open them up to show there’s nothing there and then say, “Got you!” and tickle them instead. This game can go on quite a bit and it’s especially fun when they start to mimic and want to ‘get you.
- elementary-aged kid:
Be physically playful with them. Short, quick, and spontaneous is perfect. Maybe a twirl, or tickling them, or play wrestling/karate (our sons’ favorite!) Even just breaking out in an impromptu kitchen dance party to some 90’s music will do. Just be in the moment with them physically and playfully.
- tween:
visit with them for a minute at bedtime. They are on the edge of childhood. Their desire to be bigger than they are now and still be a little kid is in such a fierce battle of tug-of-war. Everywhere out in the world they long to be bigger, but they can always still be little with you; their parent. Remind them of that at bedtime by rubbing their back while you talk about the day, or push their hair off their cheeks to tuck them in like old times.
- teen:
talk to them about a memory you have from when you were a teenager in which you were embarrassed or nervous. The teen years can be quite brutal and it can be a little softer if there are reminders that those years are hard for all of us. It doesn’t have to relate to anything at all they are struggling with (probably better if it didn’t, actually). But just make yourself vulnerable through the memory and be honest. You might be able to laugh about it now, but back then it was a huge deal, which is probably a good reminder for you as the parent too to remember how big things felt at that age and to give a little grace to your teen who has feelings bigger than their body right now.
- child who is an adult:
mention a time you remember from when they were little; text, email, or call them about it. Choose something that makes you smile or proud remembering them growing up. The more obscure and seemingly inconsequential the more impactful for both of you. You with the remembering and being present in that particular memory with the feelings and comfort and for them with giving them a tiny piece of the puzzle to their childhood
Kevin J. Adams says
Thanks Tabitha, This seems amazingly simple and amazingly difficult at the same time. So well written. You are so right, everyone at every age need a little time and love.
Haley says
Tried the foot phone with my three year old yesterday (and today and probably every day going forward). She loved it! being a silly playful parent has always been a struggle for me…nice to have the foot phone in my back pocket for “phone a friend” parenting situations. Sidebar: super hopeful (read: over eager) that your homeschool preschool info transitions to this site. So many (read: ME! ME!) are looking for schooling resources at home that keep our kids active, messy, kind, and curious.